Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
