some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have post one night stand depression
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