Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize