I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
