woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
