nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
