is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
