white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize