i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize