The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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