She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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