You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
