any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize