was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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