I want to have your abortion
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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