Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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