if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize