So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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