do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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