okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
