Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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