I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
