Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
