Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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