I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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