dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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