bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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