there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
