dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
