2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
