never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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