When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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