fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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