i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
