I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
