i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am naked and annoyed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
