do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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