So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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