took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
