i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
