did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
