She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
