he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
