HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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