so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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