I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
