Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Randomize
