so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
