i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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