put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
