God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
