I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
