Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
