its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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