my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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