Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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