i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
