porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
