hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
