she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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