I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
