You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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