That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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