Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
