sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
