sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
