Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
