its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize