Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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