Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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