the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
